Video questioned in killing of radio star

New York, N.Y. – Statements made during a press conference Monday confirmed that federal authorities have detained and are currently questioning video, the decades-old media format used to present multiple forms of entertainment throughout the world, in connection with the highly publicized 1981 killing of the radio star.

“As most music enthusiasts already know, video had long been implicated in having killed the radio star in the lyrics from that early eighties song by the British new wave band the Buggles,” said Gordon Sawyer, a consultant to federal authorities working the case and owner/operator of Flip Slide Records, a popular Manhattan records store. “In fact, the writers of that song were so certain as to video’s involvement in the homicide that they went so far as to title the song ‘Video Killed the Radio Star.’ There’s little doubt that an accusation so pronounced as this would only dare be made if the songwriters had garnered some kind of firsthand information regarding the killing.”

Sawyer said that although video has managed to elude legal indictment over the crime for more than 25 years, law enforcement officials and entertainment moguls alike have long insisted that video played a direct role in the death of the radio star – an event which was made public by MTV, television’s first music video cable channel, at midnight on Aug. 1, 1981.

“When MTV first began airing that fateful morning, the channel’s very first points of action were to announce that the radio star had been killed and then to begin pointing the finger at video as the party responsible [by playing the Buggles’ music video],” said rock historian Preston James Arnold, author of the book Video Did It: The Inevitable Yet Tragic Death of the Radio Star. “However, looking back now it’s extremely plausible that MTV itself aided video in the killing of the radio star. While in custody, video will likely be questioned about its symbiotic relationship with MTV and that cable channel’s alleged role in the killing.”

Nathanial Davies, the lead attorney representing video, refuted such allegations and insisted on his client’s innocence when speaking to reporters Monday.

“A catchy melody is hardly evidence of an assassination,” Davies said flatly, adding that an entire media format “should not be condemned based on a fluke new wave hit’s lyrics.” “In fact, it’s likely that we wouldn’t even be here today if the word ‘video’ had an extra syllable or didn’t rhyme so well with ‘Oh-a-aho oh.’”

Davies also attacked the credibility of the Buggles, noting that following the chart-topping success of “Video Killed the Radio Star,” the electro-pop duo formed by vocalist and bassist Trevor Horn and keyboardist Geoff Downes in England in 1977 failed to retain its popularity or establish its credibility in the music industry before disbanding in late 1981.

Federal prosecutors, however, defended the credibility of the British act.

“Just because a band was a one-hit wonder doesn’t mean its members lack credibility as material witnesses,” said prosecutor Lyle Irie. “And don’t forget that Geoff Downes went on to form the legendary rock band Asia, for Pete’s sake. Asia. Remember ‘Heat Of The Moment?’ That tune effing rocked.”

Federal investigators contend that both video’s motive and opportunity to kill the radio star are directly outlined in the song’s lyrics. Davies, however, argued that correct interpretation of the lyrics actually direct the blame elsewhere than on video.

“The lyrics to the final chorus read as such: ‘Pictures came and broke your heart, put the blame on VTR.’ I repeat, ‘Put the blame on VTR.’ ‘VTR’ are the initials for Videotape Recorder – not video in and of itself. Based on this lyric, we believe that the Buggles are in fact suggesting that the videotape recorder – which, I might add, conveniently disappeared a few years ago – was actually the party responsible for killing the radio star.”

Defense attorneys refused to divulge plans for video’s defense should the media format eventually face trial, but did confirm their intention to lobby the presiding judge to sequester all ‘80s compilation discs from each jury member’s CD collection until the conclusion of the trial.