Missing fat kids pictured on side of Whoppers® cartons

Hershey, Penn. – Seeking to help desperate parents across the country in their efforts to locate missing children, officials at Hershey Foods Corporation announced Monday that packaging for the company's Whoppers® malted milk balls will now feature photographs of missing fat kids on one side of every carton sold in the U.S.

"Hershey is proud to lend a hand in helping reunite parents with their obese sons or daughters – many of whom had been among our most loyal customers before they went missing," said Hershey spokesperson Stephanie Moritz at a Tuesday morning press conference. "For these parents, the sight of that empty chair at the dinner table every night brings a pain that can not be comforted – even by eating all of the extra food that's now up for grabs every night. Hershey is committed to doing everything it can to help these folks find their fat little babies."

Moritz told reporters that the new Whoppers® packaging follows the same design concept made famous by the "Have you seen me?" milk carton campaign of the 1990s.

"Each carton will feature a black and white photo of an overweight missing child as well as information regarding the child's height, weight, age and last known whereabouts," said Moritz. "But we're also including some extra information that may help citizens track down these kids: a list of the child's favorite fast food restaurants, what kind of foods they are likely to be found around, what smells they respond to, what food stains were on the clothes they were wearing – that sort of thing."

Moritz pointed out that the classic milk carton catchphrase "Have you seen me?" has also been modified to reflect the physical trait common to all of the children featured on the Whoppers® cartons.

"We went with the phrase, 'How could you not have seen me?'" a straight-faced Moritz told reporters. "Look, you have to admit, one thing fat kids have going for them is that they're easy to pick out of a crowd: they're the ones at the playground sitting on the park bench, breathing heavily through their mouths while they rest up for a second trip down the slide. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that a few of us here today have actually gawked at or made fun of at least one of these missing fat kids in the last year without even knowing the child was missing. We're hoping that by putting these kids' images on our cartons, people will recognize and try to help them in addition to making fun of them."

"I mean, instead of making fun of them," corrected Moritz.

Hershey also hopes that by placing the fat children's photos on a product that the kids themselves are likely to seek out on a daily basis, the campaign may be more effective than the milk carton campaign in finding these missing children.

"We believe there's an excellent chance that these kids could see their own picture while they're polishing off another carton of Whoppers® or window shopping in the candy isle at Walgreens, and understand that their parents miss them and are trying to find them," said Moritz. "Remember, not all missing kids are taken against their will – especially fat kids, who aren't exactly the easiest ones to cram into a trunk in a rush. No, almost half of all missing children are runaways – well, I guess the term 'walkaways' would maybe be more accurate in this case. 'Waddleaways,' perhaps. At any rate, our hope is that kids who have left home voluntarily will see that they are missed and go home – knowing there'll be a fully stocked fridge waiting for them."