Test-marketed breakfast sandwich guaranteed to cause new level of crippling abdominal pain

Test-marketed breakfast sandwich guaranteed to cause new level of crippling abdominal pain

New York, N.Y-- Fans of fast food breakfast sandwiches and sadomasochistic eating behavior are eagerly awaiting the new "Double Egg Sausage Ham Bacon Biscuit McMuffin," an experimental sandwich now being served during breakfast in select test markets. The breakfast sandwich is guaranteed to provide an unprecedented level of stomach pain as it forcibly works its way through the customer's colon and battles attempts to be voided from the bowels.

"This is the first breakfast sandwich offering a money back guarantee if the customer is not forced to spend at least sixty minutes in the office bathroom, writhing in pain and cursing themselves for eating it," said sandwich spokesman Herb Tarsells. "If this product sells well, we plan to unveil a double cheeseburger that will cause flames to shoot right out of the customer's ass."

December 2000