Even Dick's Pfizer-fueled immune system is capable of being overpowered by hostile germ attacks, which render Dick uselessly limp with fatigue. By adhering to the following get-well guidelines, it's never long before Dick is back up and ready for action.

1. Hot, sweaty Dick Feverish hallucinations are easy to misdiagnose - they usually just mean Dick's had another hard night. However, a hot and sweaty condition could mean Dick has been exposed to potentially infectious elements and needs to be quarantined.

2. Maximum Dick dosage Dick's recreational use of such health aids as Robitussin and Vicodin has created a strong tolerance, making medicinal supplementation a tricky calculation. Dick's maximum dosage formula: determine how much medication it would take to kill you, then back it off by one unit.

3. Dick puke Often, Dick's stomach has difficulty processing his massive and haphazard consumptions, leaving Dick writhing in pain. Dick self-induces vomiting by seriously considering taking a nine-to-five job, getting married, quitting drinking, or becoming a permanent resident of Grand Rapids.

4. Bedding Dick down Dick slides into a warm, snug spot - his bed - until rest provides the strength to allow Dick to rise.

5. Getting Dick up Rejuvenated, Dick works his way back up to full operating speed by regularly consulting his personal physical therapist, Dr. J. Daniels.