Michigan's winter demands special attention to making sure Dick is kept warm. The following precautionary measures will ensure that you, like Dick, are protected from climatic conditions that could turn you stiff.

1. Dick fluid: The body, like a car engine, needs proper liquid additives to ensure maximum performance in dire weather. Through trial and error, Dick has concocted the optimum mixture for keeping his insides warm: 1 part Black Velvet, 1 part antifreeze, sprinkled with rock salt and served with ice.

2. Screwing Dick down: Slipping on black ice is always a concern when balance becomes questionable (a side-effect of tip 1). Driving screws through the soles of Dick's shoes will only moderately decrease resale value of the footwear and provides the surefootedness necessary to keep Dick erect.

3. Covering up Dick: A hat, goggles and hood are essential to ensuring that little of Dick's head is exposed.

4. Getting Dick around: Everyone knows how dangerous it is to drive during winter; bicycling is an often-overlooked alternative. No scraping windows, pushing off snow, warming up the engine, etc. With a bicycle, Dick can hop on and go!

5. Dick 'n' the dog: Keeping pets outdoors and monitoring their behavior informs Dick of how to dress for the weather. Dog is shivering: Dick dresses warm. Dog is dead: Dick dresses warmer.