Louisville, Ky. -- Rumors of newfound vigor within the Cats Against Literacy (CAL) organization were substantiated last week, as CAL's local chapter president, Smokey, held a press conference designed to reiterate CAL's commitment to impeding the progress of human literacy.
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Columbus, Ohio -- At a press conference Thursday morning, chairman and CEO of Wendy's International, Inc., Jack Schuessler, announced that actor/comedian Dave Thomas will replace the late Dave Thomas as company spokesman.
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Biloxi, Miss. -- Semi-professional rock and roll percussionist and new Internet user Eddie Regnier expressed frustration Wednesday over his daylong attempt to conceive a drumming-related e-mail address that hasn't already been taken by another musically inclined user.
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Manhattan, N.Y. -- In an event viewed by many as long overdue, the 2001 Black Medal of Death award was presented to the Grim Reaper Tuesday evening at a banquet ceremony attended by...
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Seattle, Wash. -- Seattle Holiday Inn management confirms the success of the hotel's fabulous dinner buffet in distracting patrons from the horrid realities of another tedious day in their pointless existence.
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Goshen, Ind. -- Twenty-four-year-old telemarketer Jeffrey Langer managed to wake up, drive to work and punch in without contemplating suicide Monday, marking the first time the college graduate has accomplished the feat during his two years of employ at Teletronic Marketing Futures (TMF).
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Gary, Ind. -- In a desperate race against time, surgeons at Gary Methodist Hospital successfully removed a Barenaked Ladies song from local maintenance worker Daniel Hudson's head early Friday afternoon.
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Venice, Calif. -- Environmental activist Carol Troy allowed the convenient nature of a Ziploc bag to supercede her pro-environment principles last week, sources confirm.
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